Tuesday, May 29, 2007

18 weeks, bye my sweet baby....

We found out today that the baby has passed, I will give more details later. We have to be at the Hospital tomorrow at 7:30am, I will be induced & deliver the baby.

Thank you so much for all of your support & prayers, it means a great deal to me.


p.s. Any additional prayers are appreciated as well, tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Monday, May 21, 2007


My Husband & I met with my Nurse Practitioner today. She is a wonderful, kind woman & cried right along with both of us. It made me feel so much better to talk with her & she let me know what I could expect with everything. She said normally with pregnancies that have low fluid the baby doesn't go much past 25 weeks or so, so she said I can come in & hear the heart tones as much as I like, so we know if the baby is still with us. I decided that once a week will be my comfort level & we can go from there. She said once the baby passes they will induce me & I will deliver the baby. She said they can do a D&C, but we wouldn't be able to see the baby & she said I think you should hold your baby & let him/her know how much you love them. She said we will be able to hold the baby as long as we like & we can make arrangements before of after for her/him. She thinks it's a girl & so did the Perinatal Specialist, so hopefully we will be able to find out for sure when we go back for our follow up U/S in two weeks. We got to hear the heartbeat today (152) & it was so bittersweet. I can't believe that I finally made it to this point & now I am going to lose my so longed for baby. It's going to be difficult going through the upcoming weeks, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I think the reality of everything finally hit home with my Husband today, he was very emotional at the appointment & it's hard to see him hurting like that. I know that we will get through this & that someday we will get our baby to bring home. I keep praying to God that I can't take much more, so can this please be it for a while. Hopefully, he is listening.
More later.........

Friday, May 18, 2007

That dark cloud will not stop following me....

16 weeks, 2 days--
Today's visit with the Perinatal Specialist did not go well. The baby is measuring on track, heart rate 149, but the fluid has gone down even more. She said if she wanted to do an amnio she wouldn't even be able to, because there wouldn't be enough to even test. The baby also might have a hole in it's heart, there is so little fluid though, it's hard for them to see things clearly. She said she is concerned about this being related to some syndrome, which they can't pinpoint yet. She said she is 99% sure that this pregnancy will not end well. She said at this point it's up to us if we want to terminate due to the fatal problems, but I told her our stance on abortion, no matter what the situation is firm. I would rather have God take my baby, than have to make that decision for myself. That is only my personal feeling. She said she is fine with that, it's our decision. She will check us again in two weeks & maybe by some miracle of God the fluid will have gotten better, but it's doubtful. I asked her if the baby would be in any pain & she said absolutely not, when/if the baby passes it will be peaceful & the baby will be with it's Mom. She was very nice & compassionate, but honest, which I appreciate. She said this was just shitty luck & nothing I could have done, or would do, would change the outcome. She said when things go south they can do an autopsy & see if this would be a reoccurring problem & then they could possibly test the 13 remaining embryos.
Sucky way to start the weekend, but I am trying to be thankful for the things I do have in my life & glad that I had/will have this time with my baby.

Any prayers would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks my friends.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Beautiful Day--15 weeks, 1day!

Today is simply beautiful here in MN, sunny & 86 degrees, yahoo!!! All the grass is green now, the trees are full & all the flowers are blooming, I love this time of year. I planted my basil & dill in their pots, got my flowers out on the deck & life is good right now. The townhouse was put on the market Monday & we had a showing last night, one tonight & we have an open house on Saturday. We have a purchase agreement on a new house contingent upon selling ours, & we love it, so hoping our house sells!!
We got a letter in the mail with the results from the Perinatal Clinic, Down Syndrome is 1:10,000, & the Trisomy's are 1:9,450. Glad to get that news! Now if we can just get good news about the amniotic fluid when we go back for our U/S next Friday, I will finally be able to relax!! :) I am hoping & praying that things are looking up.
I booked a ticket to visit my best friend in Atlanta, GA for the end of June. I am so excited!!! We always have the best time whenever I visit. Normally we drink ourselves into a coma, so will have to find something else to do this time!! :) Will shop at the Outlet Malls, relax with books outside, & cook fabulous meals!! I can't wait.
In other news, My Husband bought a motorcycle two weeks ago. He got one of those Harley Sportster something or others. He is in love! He will sometimes just go into the garage start it, & rev it up just to listen to it, God help us........He's a Freak, but I love him!! :)