Hurting...

My Husband & I met with my Nurse Practitioner today. She is a wonderful, kind woman & cried right along with both of us. It made me feel so much better to talk with her & she let me know what I could expect with everything. She said normally with pregnancies that have low fluid the baby doesn't go much past 25 weeks or so, so she said I can come in & hear the heart tones as much as I like, so we know if the baby is still with us. I decided that once a week will be my comfort level & we can go from there. She said once the baby passes they will induce me & I will deliver the baby. She said they can do a D&C, but we wouldn't be able to see the baby & she said I think you should hold your baby & let him/her know how much you love them. She said we will be able to hold the baby as long as we like & we can make arrangements before of after for her/him. She thinks it's a girl & so did the Perinatal Specialist, so hopefully we will be able to find out for sure when we go back for our follow up U/S in two weeks. We got to hear the heartbeat today (152) & it was so bittersweet. I can't believe that I finally made it to this point & now I am going to lose my so longed for baby. It's going to be difficult going through the upcoming weeks, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I think the reality of everything finally hit home with my Husband today, he was very emotional at the appointment & it's hard to see him hurting like that. I know that we will get through this & that someday we will get our baby to bring home. I keep praying to God that I can't take much more, so can this please be it for a while. Hopefully, he is listening.
More later.........