Monday, June 25, 2007

Leaving on a jet plane!!

This is the week that I leave for Atlanta to visit my Best Friend, Steph. I usually get there about twice a year & this year has flown by so quick with no visit yet! This picture was taken at my Wedding in Barbados, 2002, aren't we cute? I am the blonde, obviously! :) I am looking forward to seeing her & relaxing, I think it might be just what I need. We are going to drink loads of wine, make tasty dinners, play cards, frequent some wine bars, drink more wine & then some more wine! Get the picture? :) I'll post a few pictures when I get back into town.
So, Church was a disaster scene yesterday. We were standing there talking with our Best Friends who just had their baby & another couple comes up & starts talking about how awesome it is they had their baby & how blessed they are & OMG isn't it just a miracle, blah, blah, blah. The Husband got really uncomfortable & kept trying to change the subject, but this guy would just not let it go. He even knows our situation. Some people are so clueless it kills me. Everyone googled over the baby & showed off their babies, I wanted to stab myself...seriously. What I really wanted to say was, "Jeez people, I would have brought my baby, but he's dead, sorry". God, am I a sicko or what? We can tell that our friends are really making an effort to still try & do things with us even though they are all really busy with their kids & new babies, etc., so that's certainly nice & I appreciate it. We've gotten several offers for people to bring us meals & things. I also haven't been sleeping the best lately, I seem to wake up around 3:00 or so & stay awake until about 6:00, it sucks. I keep waking up in a cold sweat & having dreams about dead babies who are not mine.
In other news, we found a house (finally one we could agree on) & we close on July 20th. I am super psyched for that & it has helped to keep my mind occupied. We started to pack up some of our stuff this weekend & are getting rid of stuff as well. I was going to post some pictures, but it's not on the MLS anymore, so it will have to wait until we move in. There is a big three season porch on the back with a hot tub & will be perfect for those Minnesota winters! We are going to put a bar in there as well, so we can indulge while soaking. :)
I talked to my Husband a little about adoption last night. I just wanted to get a feel for what his thoughts were on that. He is up for it, but we are not done trying for our own yet! :)
My Mom had a 50th Birthday Party for my Dad this weekend & it was a blast. It was so nice to be out & about again, having a glass (or three) of wine & socializing. All of their friends were very supportive of us & seemed to be able to talk about the loss of our baby & give their condolences without feeling uncomfortable, that was really refreshing. They didn't avoid or tell stories of their neighbors Best Friend's sister who finally had a baby when she started to adopt, or any of that crap. It was just to the point, sorry for your loss, that just plain blows is there anything we can do for you? Amen, thank you.
One final note, my good friend, Julie, is going to be making me a braclet. It is going to have stones that represent different things like, the circle of life, love, hope, family etc. Then for the clasp it will have dangling initials, CJS, & a heart with little footprints. I am psyched for this, it is so nice of her to do that for me & I will always have something on me to remember him by. I don't want him to be forgotten. Not that I can't be better & move on, but he was mine, albeit for a brief time, but all the same he was mine & I never want to forget that.
As always, thanks for the tremendous outporing of support, it helps & for that I am grateful.


Carol said...

Yay for you! I think a little girl time (and some wine!) is just what you need.

Great news about the house - this will be a good distraction for you, and give you something to focus on for a while.

Baby Blues said...

Enjoy your time with your good friend!

Bumble said...

Hi Jen, sorry I've been away during this very sad time for you, but I've been thinking about you alot. I hope you can start to heal a little bit every day. I have an angel keyring with the birthstone of my lost baby and although noone really knows what it represents, I do, and I feel like my little one is close to me through it. I think the bracelet is a wonderful idea for your little boy. Thinking of you x

catherine said...

I'm new to your blog and just read all of it and I wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. What a thoughtful friend you have to make such a special bracelet. I hope it brings you the comfort, strength and peace you need during this difficult time.