Christian James S.

Well, things didn't go as planned again. I got to the Hospital at 7:30am on Wednesday, they checked me in & started giving me suppositories to dilate my cervix, but by the next morning I still hadn't opened up at all. They kept me on the same suppositories as the Dr. said he had never seen anyone not react to them. Needless to say the suppositories make you feel like you have the flu, vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, fever & the chills. I started cramping in the afternoon on Thursday & they finally gave me an epidural to try & relax my uterus & because my back was spasming so badly. This helped greatly with the pain, but weird not to be able to feel your bottom half at all. Finally by Friday afternoon they decided to switch medicines & also use Laminaria (which are these thin sticks made from seaweed that expand once they are inserted near the cervix, to help it open up). These were able to get me dilated to a 1, but I needed to get to at least a 4 or 5 to deliver the baby. By this time I was getting stir crazy & just wanted this to be over with, it's bad enough I had to lose my baby, now I have to lay in a Hospital bed immobile for 5 days. There was a different on call Dr. everyday & they all kept calling in to see if I had delivered yet, but to their surprise I hadn't. Then on Saturday afternoon they said they would have to do a D&E on Sunday if nothing had happened yet, even though there could be complications with that due to the size of the baby. No surprise, nothing happened, so they proceeded with the D&E on Sunday morning. This meant that we wouldn't be able to hold or see our baby, maybe not even get the footprints we wanted. The nurses & Dr.'s said they would do the best they could to try & do that for us. The Dr. is 99% sure our baby was a boy & we were able to at least get the nurse to get us some footprints on some scrapbook paper my Mom brought to the Hospital. I will post this once I get back to work & can get it scanned. The Dr.'s said the proceedure couldn't have gone better & they don't believe there will be any damage to my uterus. We named our baby, Christian James, & even though we didn't get to see him, hold him or tell him how much we love him, he is so very beautiful & precious to us & I will always have my memory of him how I imagine him to be...nothing short of awesome & amazing in my eyes. The nurses were wonderful & made us a little blanket & booties & gave us a little Hospital bracelet. It's really hard to look at that stuff right now, but I'm glad that I have it for when I am ready.
I'm not really sure why this happened, but I am trying to hang on & believe that God has a plan for me & will honor me someday by giving me the desires of my heart.

Thanks again for your support & prayers, will not get through this without you.