2 More Days...

Well, Sunday was the dreaded Baby Dedication at Church. I had to prepare myself all morning by chanting silently to myself, don't cry, you are fine, don't cry, oh shit, don't cry, holy balls, don't cry....This technique as weird as it might seem actually worked. I did not die of a shot through the heart (thanks Bon Jovi), nobody had to break out the defibrillator & I made it through the Dedication without embarrassing either my Husband or myself by leaving church looking like Tammy Faye Baker. Whew, that was a close call. It was nice to see my friends so happy & I really am honestly happy for them, I just want to be happy for myself as well some day.
I have been trying hard not to think too much about Thursday's U/S. I really, really, really want this to be it, but I am also thankful that we had 13 embryos to freeze. I know lots of people have to go through IVF multiple times before they are successful, so I will march on if it's bad news on Thursday. It's a little difficult to have a positive attitude, because I also want to protect myself if it's bad news. Jeez, who ever thought getting preggo would be this hard? I should just get fired from my job, start smoking crack & then maybe I would finally get pregnant. My Husband has a half brother who was in jail for 6 years & just got out last summer. He has two children from two different mothers & he told us the same thing. "Listen bro, just quit your job, start stealing some stuff, take some drugs & most likely Jen will get knocked up". My Husband's other brother also has two kids from two different women, one was a one night stand, can you believe it? Isn't that just awesome??
My Best Friend has had several miscarriages & is now finally moving on to adoption. It makes me so pissed off when I think about it, because she would make the most amazing Mom. She has been through so much & I wish I could take her pain away. I know that once they get their baby, she is going to be so happy & she deserves to be. Her dog just had 11 puppies the other day & she said, "Dude, even my dog is pregnant & having babies".

Let this be a viable pregnancy, let this be a viable pregnancy, please God, let this work!! AMEN!

The Blizzard & other ramblings...

Well, we got a whopping ass-load of snow yesterday, my friends. It was not pretty, let me just say that. I don't know why I even came to work today, it's like a barren wasteland around this place. Good thing I get off at Noon on Fridays, or I'd probably be here Googling low HCG numbers until I go blind. I am only going to say this once today, how in the Hell do they expect me to wait until next Thursday for my U/S? Is there something in there, or isn't there? Help a sister out, seriously!!
Anyone watch "American Idol" last night? Not quite sure what went wrong there. Who in God's name decided it would be a good idea to keep Sanjaya & Antonella around?? Let's keep it real, the only reason Antonella is still in it is the Skank factor. Sorry for anyone who likes her, but I just state the facts here. I'm afraid to report that even I can sing better than her after downing a bottle of wine & swallowing 2-3 shots of Patron. I still find the show quite entertaining nevertheless.
One of our best couple friends are having their son dedicated at Church on Sunday. We are staying for it, but I was already whining to my Husband yesterday about how many babies are going to be there. He was right though, we will want them to come when we have a child someday, right? Right? I mean the part about the child someday. Maybe I can just stand in the back with my Ipod on & a towel over my head or something. Just kidding, I will be supportive, even though a large dagger will be shooting through my heart & killing me slowly.

Here's to staying positive until next Thursday!! :)

Can I Get Off This Ride??

Dr. L called with todays results, 554, is the magic number folks. She said she would like to see the number over 1,000 by this point, so she is not that happy. She said it could be a viable pregnancy, a non-viable pregnancy or a tubal pregnancy. Hmmm....I would go with viable if I had a say! She said to remain neutral, but she is hoping for the best. U/S & blood draw scheduled for next Thursday afternoon. Dah, dah, dah!!!!
Does anyone want to add their two cents on this one?? I'm kind of freaked, because all the other BFP have numbers way, way, way over mine. Yikes, how am I supposed to remain neutral until next Thursday. To top it off, I can't even drink for God's sake!! :)

If anyone wants to send me happy thoughts, prayers, words of encouragement, a trip to Bora Bora, or a new BMW, I would gladly accept.
With all this crapping my pants lately, I'm going to have to go out & buy some new undies.

p.s. Can I just add how crappy it would be if this was a tubal pregnancy, considering I only have my right tube left. God, did you hear that??

Seriously?

So, the Dr. called this afternoon & she said my level is now at 261, it was 58 on Friday, so she wants me to retest again on Wednesday. What in the heck? I was all prepared to hear the bad news & now this?
So, I am remaining neutral (yeah, right) & trying not to think about it. Good grief, I can't take it!

I am seriously crapping my pants.

And The Bubble Bursts....

Received a call from the Dr., my levels did not double. She is not optimistic, but we are repeating the test Monday. If it's negative like she thinks, we will go from there. She is really sorry & so am I.

Should have known better.

Still in Shock

I have been elated since I heard the news on Wednesday, it's just so surreal. When I went in for my blood draw that day, I told the Nurse to have the Dr. call my Husband, that way if it was bad news I wouldn't freak at work. I was waiting, waiting, waiting & then I got an E-card from my Husband. When I opened it it said Congratulations with some little spazy people running around. I thought to myself, if this is a card that says like Congratulations, you are beautiful or something I was going to seriously murder him. When the message finally popped up it said, This just in...you are prego! I asked him about 10 times, what exactly did the Dr. say? He said, she just said "Congrats, your pregnant. Come back in 2 days for another blood draw to make sure her levels are increasing". My Husband is not one for details. Did she say what the number was, what number? OMG, I knew I should have taken the call! :)
I had my second blood draw this morning, so just waiting nervously until the Nurse calls this afternoon. I am so thankful, excited & scared. I told my boss the news, who referred me to my Clinic. He & his wife got pregnant on their first IVF & now have a 1 year old. He said, "you still have a long way to go, your certainly not out of the woods yet". I know that, but can I at least be blissfully happy for one day for God's sake. I have never been pregnant EVER in my life & it was exciting for me. I know this time is crucial, but I hope to remain positive & optimistic.

In other news, we are supposed to get a Monster Snow Storm here in the Twin Cities this weekend. My Husband's excited as he's a big Snowboarder, but me on the other hand, not so much. Yikes, should be interesting!! Hopefully, there will be some reruns of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" on this weekend. I love that show, it's so skanky & scandalous.

This just in..........

BFP...I am pregnant!