Friday, February 16, 2007

OMG, I'm losing it!

Today is the first day it has actually hit me...I am starting to crack under the pressure! Every time someone talks to me, I start tearing up & accumulating large wads of snot rags in my garbage can. How does everyone handle the stress of this?? It's so nerve-racking, I want to down a jug of Boones Farm & bite every single one of my nails off. My co-workers have removed all sharp object & handguns from my work area. They have me on watch until D-day.

I was at a friend's house last night, she had to give me my Progesterone shot because my Hubby is in Chicago on business for a few days. She was holding her newborn, started crying & told me that she wants this so badly for me, because she never knew she could experience this much joy & enjoys Motherhood more than she ever imagined. Most people can't imagine what it is like not to be able to conceive. Well let me tell you, it frickin' blows goats. It sucks to want something so much & not be able to have any control over the outcome. I feel like my body has let me down.
I'm trying to stay as positive as possible, but it's hard. I've been having some mild cramps the last couple of days, so every time I go the restroom I'm checking to see if AF is here...See what a Freak I am?? My Husband is extremely positive about everything. He feels that God wouldn't have gotten us this far, only to let us down, but I've been let down many times. Anyway, sorry for all of the depressing talk today, I will snap out of it!! :)
I'm having a Baby Shower in April for one of our Best Couple Friend's, she is due in June. She had three miscarriages last year, so it is awesome that she has made it this far. I'm a little aprehensive about the whole thing, but feel I can't be so selfish as not to do this for her...Should be interesting.

I hope everyone has a great weekend & I will be praying & hoping for all of you. Tonight I will consume mass quantities of food & watch "The Departed" & "Saw III", jealous?


Stephanie said...

You are not crazy. the TWW is crazy! I hope it goes by quickly for you. I am praying that this is your cycle. Hey why not, there seems to have been lots of BFP out there. I didn't take one of them if there was a limited number so i hope that you get one. Sorry I have gone MIA. I just had to pull away after my neg. It is still hard to read blogs...but I am holding on to hope for the rest of you.

Baby Blues said...

I thought I was patient until I had to deal with the 2ww. The anxiety gets crazy. Hang in there. I hope the 2ww passes by fast and brings with it good news.